The Lure of the Wild West

This last month I came close to owning a little bit of the prairie.  There is an acre lot east of Sioux Falls with a beautiful view of the plains and the Big Sioux River, and for a month I ran through every fantasy of life in a semi-rural environment.  For my wife there were related motivations, but for me it had to do with having my piece of the frontier.  This was going to be my wild west.

Though only a mile outside of city limits, it’s amazing how a whole different set of questions arose than the issues normal civilized folk have to face when relocating in the urban setting.  In the city you worry about crime rates, proximity to good schools, neighborhood property values, and whether the renters across the street will get drunk on their front porch each Saturday (yes, they will).  On my new property I was asking wild west questions: Can I dig deep enough to install a septic tank?  What does it take to hook up to rural water?  Will the street be snow plowed – and by whom?  How long will the surrounding area be zoned as agricultural?  Is geothermal heating or propane the more reasonable expense?  Can I shoot at pheasants just down the street?

As things turned out, the seller was unwilling to budge on his list price, even though the property had gone unsold for many months.  For the time being it looks like our fantasy is evaporating, much like the West did for all those daring men of the 19th century.  Like them, I have been imprisoned, banished to the center of the city.

Manly T-Shirts

The folks at www.cafepress.com continue to hawk an abundance of funny (and disturbing) t-shirts pertaining to manly virtues and vices. Here’s one of my favorites:

Manly Man Gifts, Christmas 2012

What?  You’re tired of me pontificating on gender theory and obscure men’s movements?  Fine.  Here’s your ultra-practical, no-fail list of men’s gifts for Christmas 2012.

1. Manpacks.  Manpacks delivers fresh socks, shirts and shaving supplies to that special guy on a monthly basis.  No more last minute desperation runs to Target.  Starting at $14 for 3 months.  http://manpacks.com/

2. Robert Rothschild Farm Blackberry Chipotle Sauce.  Slather this on pork tenderloin for something unbelievable.  Pour it over cream cheese and serve with Triscuits.  Berries have never been so masculine.  $9.  http://www.amazon.com/Robert-Rothschild-Farm-Blackberry-Chipotle/dp/B0045DOA7C/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322170094&sr=8-1-fkmr2

3. Beretta PB Copper Knife.  If a man needs to pull out a knife for some high-skill application (like slicing off ribbon), he should have something to show off to everyone at the same time.  This replica of the 1940′s Beretta knife has nice talking points, including a shell extractor.  $40.  http://www.berettausa.com/products/pb-copper-knife/

4. South Dakota Magazine.  Forget another subscription to People.  Go for something unique, like a magazine from a state he’s talked about visiting but never has.  South Dakota Magazine is a well-run monthly publication with articles on great tourist spots, historical legends and local culture.  $19/year.  http://southdakotamagazine.com/

5. Antique Maps.  Find an original antique map on eBay, then mount it.  Replicas can be found all over the internet, such as this one of Geneva: http://www.oldmapgallery.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=60&products_id=3068.

Public Property: My Eyebrows

Last week, again, a hair stylist took the liberty of trimming my eyebrows and ear hair without asking.  Should I feel a little violated?  What if I want me overambitious ear hair to demonstrate my maturity?  What if I want my eyebrows to mimic Rowan Williams’?

I’m probably just depressed over middle age cosmetic issues, but the whole thing makes me wonder why my hair stylists – who so happen to be women – feel the freedom to trim hair other than that on my scalp.  Were a stylist to do the same thing to a woman, a considerable tussle would ensue, maybe a law suit.  Women do these things themselves, after all.  Since appearance matters so much to others, women  get used to making decisions about every part of their body.  That is their burden and pride, so how dare someone else make that decision for them.

Since we men don’t own our own bodies so much as to care enough about cosmetic details, women take up a stewardship role.  At least in the cosmetic sense, male bodies belong to women.  Now, how is the opposite true in our society?

Record-Setting Hailstone

Every once in a while I have to offer a crowd-pleaser that’s sure to impress the guys.  Today it’s worth sharing that a recent storm in my home state of South Dakota produced a two pound hailstone, expected to set a national record.  Found near the town of Vivian, it measures eight inches in diameter and a hefty eighteen inches in diameter.  We make ‘em big here in SoDak.

Barbershops Offer Space for Men

The day of the fraternal club has gone the way of the dinosaur.  Seen as elitist, sexist and generally suspicious, most men’s groups have either dissipated or become co-ed.  Athletics sometimes seem to be the only center for male interaction.  I admit, this makes me sad.   Men’s isolation is greatest around other men.

So it is with some hope that I’ve noticed the re-emergence of the barbershop.  For instance, according to the Saddleback Valley News [CA] (19 June 2009), V’s, an Arizona-based franchise, has recently opened shops in Foothill Ranch and San Clemente.  Featuring vintage Koken barber chairs, flatscreen TVs and straight razor shaves, it has brought men into a space more comfortable and interactive for them.  “You walk into a hair salon and there’s women getting perms and it smells,” said Blake Feaser, the 24 year-old manager of the Foothill Ranch shop.  “This is centered more around the guy.”

In my own hometown of Sioux Falls I’ve seen a related thing emerge in the form of the Chop Shoppe.  For around $25 a guy can plop down on a leather couch, order a beer (!) and watch ESPN until he feels like having his hair cut.   From there he is moved to the cutting area, which looks like some crazy hybrid of a motorcycle detailing shop and Paul Bunyan-gone-Japanese-minimalism.  While the staff is mostly women, and while they offer massages and manicures and the like, the place is very cool, set up from head to toe with men in mind.  

Barbershops don’t guarantee male comaraderie.  But they do at least offer a space in which men can relax and perhaps develop some relationships in a non-athletic environment.

A Real Man… Doesn’t Mooch off His Woman

On the 20 November edition of the talk show “The View,” I noted with interest the comments being made about the recent divorce between pop queen Madonna and film director Guy Ritchie.  The two, having avoided a prenuptial agreement when they married, sped through the divorce process, Ritchie (ostensibly) giving up far more than half of their joint estate.  Madonna’s earnings are estimated at perhaps ten times that of Ritchie, and while he could have been entitled to around half of the sum of their accounts, he voluntarily forfeited hundreds of millions of dollars. 

Whoopi Goldberg’s response to Ritchie was one of great admiration, going so far as to say that his actions showed he was “a real man.”  What she intimated by that, she explained, was that he wasn’t willing to act as a financial parasite upon his (ex-)wife, and was willing to respect her by not being dependent on her.

Granted, the whole settlement hardly represents anything of ethical significance; Ritchie could wind up a millionaire fifty times over or more, even with a most inequitable settlement. 

What strikes me as significant is that this case would be used as an opportunity to equate manliness with independence.  This, of course, is no new claim.  Independence lay at the heart of colonial and republican conceptions of manhood in America, and was defined in financial tones after the Industrial Revolution.  But since the emergence of feminism in the 1960s and 70s society has tried to counterbalance this expectation with talk of the need for male “collaboration,” “equality,” “cooperation” and dependence on others, even financially.  The breadwinning male too often came home from the office suffused with a sense of entitlement and unlimited power over his non-breadwinning family members.  The last few decades have been a trimming of that model, making room for women in the work force and reinventing modes of (non-business) male sociality.

What Goldberg espouses represents a gentle swing (and wobble) of the pendulum.   In some sense she probably means only a kind of boundary-setting.  Dependence must not mean economic childishness.  Boys must be men, they must not place a burden on their women.  Women rightly refuse to empower this pedantic neediness.  But the context of Goldberg’s comments suggests a double power play: the use of gender-norming language to shame men into a kind of provider role, combining it with legal claim: “See, what’s mine is mine.  Now be a man and support yourself.”

Got Kids? Consider a Manny.

The Daily Telegraph (Edinburgh, Scotland) recently featured an article on “mannies,” male nannies. They do most of the same stuff as female carers, though they seem to work especially well with little boys, playing hard and showing them what a balanced man can look like. Annie Merrylees, co-founder of manny company My Big Buddy, says, “These days nannies, carers, nursery- and primary-school teachers all tend to be female, and there can be a need to redress that imbalance with a great role model who can not only play sport and relate to boys but also reveal a softer side.” Even girls seem to have good relationships with these very able guys. They play with dolls as well as they do SuperSoakers.

I am impressed with how qualified these young men appear to be. They’re compentent college students for the most part, excelling in school, hard-working and well-adjusted. The wage shows it: at ten pounds an hour, they’re commanding higher compensation than most carers. And, from my experience, boys just eat up time with older males. The most significant down side to this whole deal is that, in some of these cases, children who are feeling distant from their fathers will struggle even more to relate, and not learn how to relate healthily to male authority figures. A “big buddy” only goes so far in communicating that dynamic.

Will this be a new wave in the United States too? I hope so. In a day and age when people are increasingly reluctant to have men around children, the hiring of mannies could be a positive phenomenon.

Open Forum: Why Is Jim Halpert the New Male?

I hereby crown Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) the New Male.   As the superprotagonist of NBC’s “The Office,” Jim is liked by the guys and loved by the women.  A lot.  And I haven’t run into one exception so far.

How?  How did an unassuming, skinny, paper-pushing dude in middle management become the next über-male?  You tell me. 

GET THE OFFICE, SEASON FOUR HERE.

AMSA 2009 Conference: “Beyond Borders: Masculinities and Margins”

The American Men’s Studies Association has announced their theme for their 3-5 April 2009 conference: “Beyond Borders: Masculinities and Margins.” 

From their site: ”Presentations should reflect on the construction, reconstruction, and effects of borders of all types as well as the men and the practices of masculinities that fashion, feel, respond to, and seek to cross from the margins over these divides. Other academic papers on masculinities are also welcome. Submissions are due by November 21, 2008. Events will be held at McGill and Concordia Universities.”